Cutting It Up with Nick Offerman

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In his new book for kids,Little Woodchucks, Offerman Woodshop’s Guide to Tools and Tomfoolery(out October 14 fromPenguin Random House; $35), actor, humorist, woodworker, andOutside contributor Nick Offermanneatly balances two goals: teaching children to craft things with their “grubby little hands,” and subtly nudging them toward mischief. The first of 12 projects outlined in the book is a literal slapstick, the classic vaudeville tool used to imitate the sound of smacking someone with a stick. Offerman advises his young readers that they can remove the elastic from an adult’s undergarment to create the device’s rubber band and butt hinge, which leads to the first of oh-so-many butt jokes. We called him up to ask why kids need more wood in their lives.

What’s the biggest upside to giving children sharp knives?

Contrary to intuition, the duller your blade, the more dangerous it actually is. A dull blade requires more force to use and so exponentially increases the likelihood of a slip and an injury. Teaching youngsters to keep their blades sharp brings them into the circle of household responsibility. First pocket knife, then kitchen knife, and hatchet, axe, hoe, shovel—and then, one fine day, chainsaw.

The word “meat” appears 17 times inLittle Woodchucksand the word “sausage” appears ten times. Did you mean to write a book called Little Canines?

The conventional wisdom is to “write what you know.” I am astonished to learn that the count of those noble words is so paltry: my editor has trimmed the actual fat down to that lean percentage, and so she will be made to eat raw cruciferous vegetables for a week. No ranch!

How come you don’t allow any computer-driven machines in the Offerman Woodshop?

Besides making swell items [out] of wood, we are trying to produce woodworkers. As nifty as 3D printers and CNC routers might be, they are basically the death of craft. We disallow robots for the same reason we don’t want a computer painting our masterpieces or making our sandwiches—it ain’t art.

What’s the trick to removing a super deep splinter?

One to two drams of Lagavulin single-malt Scotch whisky. Administer to the wound and/or to the inside of the victim as required.

Want more Nick Offerman? Us, too: Herecently joined the Outside Podcast with host PaddyOto discuss self reliance in the outdoors, and why adventure tickles our monkey brains.